Diagnosis

I'm not terminal but I am in pain.
My chest is hurting, stinging, stabbing,
burning, squeezing, tearing.
I feel it while I'm asleep, while I'm awake..
Every minute of the day.

I'm not terminal but I feel overdosed, toxic.
Nausea, vomiting, anorexia, diarrhea.
Skin rash, deafness, blindness, dizziness.
Chills, fever, spasms, convulsions.
insomniac, nephritic, hepatitic, paralyzed.

I'm not terminal but i'm hypertensive, hypotensive.
Hypernatremia, hyponatremia, hyperkalemia, hypokalemia.
Hyperlipidemic, hypolipidemic, hyperglycemic, hypoglycemic.
Hyperthermia, hypothermia, hypermagnesemia, hypomagnesemia.
Hyperphosphatemia, hypophosphatemia, hypercalcemia, hypocalcemia.

I'm not terminal but my lungs are slowly filling up with fluids.
I'm gasping to catch every breath but never can,
every breath is petrifying.
It's slow, painful, torturous..

I'm not terminal but I'm sick.. Really sick..

Inspired by "Coach Carter"

Deepest Fear..

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens
us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous.
Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that
other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us -- it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

...............................................................................................................................

It doesn't mean if you deserve something, they're gonna
give it to you.. Sometimes you have to fight for it..

...............................................................................................................................

At huwag tawaging Nigger ang mga African American dahil
nakakadegrade ito at nakakasakit ng loob.. Alam ko
ayan.. Aray! Masaket!

Pizza all you can!

Kaninang umaga e naisipan ng tatlong magkakaibigan na mag pizza all you can na bagong promo ng Greenwich. 11am-2pm ang promo nila, si kitt ay naexperience na ito kaya talagang buo ang loob nya na gawin ulit. Pagdating ng magkakaibigan ay pumila na sila at nang nakabayad e niluklok na nila ang kanilang mga sarili at naghintay. Habang naghihintay e nagpayabangan ang magkakaibigan kung gano karami ang kanilang makakain, si PJ ang kinatatakutan ng magkakaibigan na kakaunti lamang ang kakainen at hindi magiging sulit ang kanilang binayad. Nang dumating ang kanilang pagkayen e parang matagal nang hindi nakatikim ng pagakain at sa isang iglap e naubos ang kanilang tig dadalawang piraso ng pizza. Pagkatapos nun e nagyabangan ulit ang magkakaibigan ng kaya daw ang siyam na piraso. Nang umabot na sa ikalimang piraso e nakaramdam si bruce ng mabigat na pakiramdam sa kanyang tiyan at sinabi na "i can feel it, i'm injured!" pero nagisip na kaya pa nya at humirit ng isa pa. Nang naka tig-aanim na piraso na e biglang nanahimik si kitt ang ang sabi nya e "injured din ako! tara na!", ngunit si Pj ay humirit ng isa pang piraso. Kung sino ang naiip na kakaunti ang makakayen ay siya ang pinaka maraming nakayen! Nang sila'y pauwi na e talagang nararamdaman na ni kitt ang sakit nya ng tiyan at pinagmamadali na si bruce ngunit sa kasamaang palad e hindi sila makapagmadali dahil ginagawa ang daan papauwi. Nang nasa may tapat na sila ng pamamahay nila e hinintay nila na buksan na ang gate upang makapasok pero si kitt ay kumaripas na ng takbo papaunta sa palikuran dahil hindi na nya matiis at ito'y sumisilip na. Nang makapasok e kanya kanyang pwesto na dahil busog, si kitt pagkatapos sa palikuran e higa agad sa kama at pahinga, si Pj naman ay tinignan ang mga regalo na bigay ni jherome, si bruce naman ay nakaramdam ng panghihina na umano'y tumataas ang presyon nya.

Eto lang ang aral na mapupulot nyo mga bata..
Kapag ika'y matakaw e matatae ka at mahihigh blood!

Isa sa pinakamalungkot na kanta..

Bale title nito e 23, Jimmy Eat World ang kumanta.. Lupit nitong kantang to, tagos hanggang buto. Dahil kay kulas lang kya narinig ko tong kanta na to, sya kasi madalas nagbibigay sakin ng mga mp3. Pag sa tingin nya e magugustuhan ko yung kanta e bibigyan nya ako agad ng kopya, lagi syang tama! Eto lyrics ng kanta..

I felt for sure last night

That once we said goodbye

No one else will know these lonely dreams

No one else will know that part of meI'm still driving away

And I'm sorry every day

I won't always love these selfish things

I won't always live...

Not stopping...

It was my turn to decide

I knew this was our time

No one else will have me like you do

No one else will have me, only you
You'll sit alone forever

If you wait for the right time

What are you hoping for?

I'm here I'm now I'm ready

Holding on tight

Don't give away the end

The one thing that stays mine

Amazing still it seems

I'll be 23

I won't always love what I'll never have

I won't always live in my regrets

You'll sit alone forever

If you wait for the right time

What are you hoping for?

I'm here I'm now I'm ready

Holding on tight

Don't give away the end

The one thing that stays mine

You'll sit alone forever

If you wait for the right time

What are you hoping for?

I'm here I'm now I'm ready

Holding on tight

Don't give away the end

The one thing that stays mine...

Thoughts..

"Never take anything for granted for when you lose that something, you'll be tested.. Tested upto your soul.."

Weekend Update

The whole week e masama pakiramdam ko, balik balik lagnat ko.. Kahirap, absent ako almost the whole week. Pumasok ako ng wednesday kaso e wala pala pasok kya uwi na lng agad, ganun din nung thursday.

Friday:
Masama pa din pakiramdam ko pero kelangan ko pumasok para malaman ko kung may pasok ng saturday, hehe. Nung gabi naman e nagtext si jonie na may inuman daw kila ton ton, nagtext din si Al nun na magbiliards muna bago pumunta dun. Kaya nakapunta ako kila ton ng mga 9pm na, pagdating ko e naka kalahating case na sila ng dead horse. Natapos kami ng mga 12am na ata at nakaubos kami ng 1 1/2 na case lahat lahat kaya medyo bangkak nung pauwi kasi c ron, ton, jonie tsaka ako na lang naginom noon. After nun e hinatid ko na si ron at medyo nagkwentuhan kami ng buhay buhay.

Saturday:
Medyo late nako nakatulog ng Friday kya late na din ako nagising (buti na lang fiesta kaya walang pasok, yes!!). Pagkagising e kayen ng lunch, umuwi si ken tsaka ate ging noon, pagdating ng after lunch e naalala ko na may dvd pala ako ng prison break season 1 and 2 kya yun ang ginawa namin, nag prison break marathon kami. Hapon e ngtetext na si jp na nababato na daw sya sa bahay kaya sabi ko e pmunta na sya ng bahay at maki-marathon sya samin, mga 5 or 6pm ata e nadito na sya kya ang hinihintay na lng namin ay si mandy at dado (si kulas kasi e KJ moves muna daw ngayon kaya kahit nasa tarlac sya e di kami ngkita kita). Nagsimula na kami uminom ng mga 7pm, kasama ko si ken, ate anne at jp. Dumating si mandy at dado ng mga 9pm, inom inom at kwento kwento. Ok naman yung gabi dahil napagsabihan ako ng mga tao, prangka sila lahat. "If you obtain too cheap, you esteem too lightly" words of wisdom ni jp. Nakinig naman ako sa kanilang lahat, medyo mahirap pero sana kayanin ko.. Salamat mga tol..

Sunday:
5am na yta ako nakatulog nun pero mga 12pm e gising nako (maaga na yun para sakin), kayen ng lunch at tinext ko na mga tao dahil pinagusapan namin na pupuntahan namin si grace sa hospital bago sila magsiluwas (si gara e na typhoid fever dahil sa pagkayen ng pishbol sa novaliches). Nagkita kita kami ng mga 3pm at mga 4pm e nasa hospital na kami, pagdating namin e nandun mga tita at parents nya medyo kwentuhan. Nung mga 5pm e kelangan umalis ng parents ni gara kaya kami kami lng naitira dun kya dun e nagpiksur piksur kami pero si gara e KJ ayaw sumama sa mga piksur, hehe, at kami e nagpiksur piksur na kami nakahiga sa kama kaya malamang may typhoid fever na kami (haha!). Good naman yung weekend ko, masaya at madaming realizations.. Kelangan na magayos ayos..

Paulo Coelho

"I aspire to overtake love, and it is painful for me to think of people to whom I gave my heart. And still now it is obvious, that people exciting my heart, left my body to be indifferent; those who managed to excite my body, left my heart to be indifferent ".

From Him to Her

Inspired by Hunter "Patch" Adams

Sonnets from the Portuguese, #43
by Elizabeth Barrett-Browning (1850)

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints — I love with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! — and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

From Her to Him?

It's difficult to turn back from someone whom you really wanna be with.
To let someone feel he is neglected when in fact he is important.
To show someone that you don't mind when in fact you care a lot.
To avoid someone when you wanna take a stolen glance.
To treat someone as an ordinaary being when in fact he's really special.
To let someone realize that his presence is naturally welcome when it brings extraordinary excitement.
To say things contrary to what you feel, and laugh when you wanna cry your heart out..

Galing kay jfreak

TOMASINO ka ba??

1. San building mo?
MAIN BUILDING, may ibang pangalan pa ba yun?
2. Course mo?
PHARMACIA
3. Center of excellence ba yun?
UHM, YATA??
4. Nakagulong ka na ba sa main field?
OO, NUNG NAG P.E. AKO NG PUTBOL
5. Anong masasabi mo sa bagong fountain sa USTe?
NUNG NAKITA KO E MAGANDA PERO WALA PA LAMAN
6. Nakapasok ka na ba sa Graduate School?
HINDI, ni hindi nga ko gumraduate dun e
7. Napuntahan mo na ba lahat ng sections sa Central Library?
HALOS LAHAT, pinupuntahan ko lang dati e yun sa pang pharma na nasa taas at nakakapagod akyatin
8. Nakapag-internet ka na ba sa Central Lib?
NIMINSAN E HINDE
9. Nag-friendster ka?
DI NGA KO NAKAGAMIT NG PC DUN E
10. Nakakain ka na ba sa lahat ng kainan sa Carpark?
WALA PANG KAINAN ATA NUN NUNG LUMAYAS AKO
11. Bakit ka kumakain sa Carpark?
WALA PA NGANG KAINAN NUN YE!
12. Kumakain ka rin ba sa may Dapitan?
OO NAMAN, almher's tsaka cely's paburito ko
13. Sinong paborito mong prof?
BASTA YUNG PROF. NAMIN SA ENGLISH, nakalimutan ko na pangalan ye
14. Paboritong subject?
ENLISH!!!
15. Maka-Growling Tigers ka ba?
OO NAMAN! BASKETBOL AT BOLLEYBOL
16. Nameet mo na ba yung players ng USTe?
YUNG IBA, SI DE GUZMAN, BAGUIO, VIZCARRA, TSAKA GELIG
17. Naka-akyat ka na ba sa isa sa mga puno sa Botanical Garden?
OO NUNG KELANGAN NAMIN NG MGA DAHON FOR BOTANY
18. Nakapagsimba ka na ba sa simbahan dun?
PAG SUNDAY NOON
19. student number mo?
2000-003173
20. Saan ka nag test ng USTET?
EDUCATION BUILDING SYEMPRE, MAY IBA PA BA??
21. Mahirap ba USTET?
SIGURO, NATAPOS KO AGAD YE
21. Anung org mo?
JPA, JUNIOR PHARMACIST'S ASSOCIATION ATA YUN
22. Masaya ba?
OO NAMAN, DAMI KO NAEXPERIENCE DUN
23. Nagkaroon na ba ng kuwenta sayo yung UST Health Services?
OO, NUNG KELANGAN NAMIN NG FULL BODY CHECK-UP PARA SA P.E. NAMIN NA SWIMMING. BADING PA ATA DOCTOR NUN KYA MEDYO AWKWARD..
24. Nagpupunta ka ba sa Tinoco Park?
SA LIKOD BA NG MAIN YUN? DUN AKO NAGYOYOSI DATI
25. Naranasan mo na bang magpractice ng kahit ano sa grandstand?
HELL NOH, HINDI AKO NAG PRAKTIS NG TAE BO DUN
26. Alam mo ba yung Research Complex?
NAKITA KO NA
27. Naholdap ka na ba kahit saan around USTe?
SA MAY EARNSHAW PERO NAPIGILAN ANG MASASAMANG LOOB
28. E nanakawan?
HINDI
29. E na-rape?
WALA AKONG BALAK KAHIT KELAN
30. Anung pinakaayaw mong lugar sa USTe?
P. NOVAL
31. Sa tingin mo marami bang konyo sa USTe?
MEDYO, pro mga probinsyano at probinsyana din sila madalas (posers!)
32. Sa tingin mo bakit tigers ang USTe?
ANU PA BA HAYOP NA YELLOWISH? MANOK? PANGET ATA
33. Di ba orange ang tigers, bakit yellow tayo?
BLACK GOLD, BLACK WHITE KYA.. DUH!
34. Excited ka ba sa 400th year ng USTe?
AH GANUN NA BA KATAGAL??
35. Ilang units ka this sem?
SIPA NAKO. HEHE
36. Anung pinakamadali mong subject?
ENGLISH!! SA PHARMA E WALANG MADALI NA SUBJECT
37. E pinakamahirap?
HALOS LAHAT NG PHARMA SUBJECT, PHAR CHEM 1&2, ORG CHEM. BASTA CHEM!
38. Anung major mo?
PHARMACIA
39. Bakit ka nag aral sa USTe?
E GUSTO NG NANAY KO E, syempre sya masusunod kasi sya nagpapaaral sakyen
40. Kabisado mo na ba yung UST Hymn?
MERON BA?
41. E yung mission and vision?
WALA AKONG MEMORIZE
42. Anung tingin mo sa mga guard sa USTe?
ANU BA DAPAT? MAY SPECIAL NA PAGTINGIN BA?
43. Anung masasabi mo sa uniform policy natin?
SUCKS!! STRICT SAMIN YE!
44. Ano naman masasabi mo sa uniform nyo?
AYUS LNG KASO KELANGAN LEATHER SHOES PA, AZAR.
45. Mahal mo ba USTe?
OO NAMAN!!

"What makes you think what you're doing is right?"

Feels good?

Feels right?

See that it's right?

See that it's the right thing to do?

You think about it a lot? Over and over?

You think it would make everybody happy or just you?

You smile everytime you think about it or frown?

Is it for your sake or are you just doing it for the sake of others?

You doing it because of the norms of society?

After you answer all these, are they reason enough?

A lot of questions..

I will never know the answers...

The Goodness of the Holidays continues..

The only good thing that happened during the holidays was that i got to be with friends (naginom halos araw araw), got to be with family and relatives pero ang sad part saktong december 25 e nasa airport kami at hinahatid si tatay dahil sasakay nanaman sya ng barko (damn japanese boss!) but happy din kasi umuwi si tita daisy with kit na matagal nanamin di nakakasama ng pasko kasi lumipat na sila ng davao nung 2000.. Yun ang mga magandang nangyari.. Meron papala i got to meet this great girl but sadly... mamaya yun..

The rest e shitty na..

Holidays pero walang mapanuod na maganda sa tibi..
December 26 e naging KJ aku dahil may nakita at nakasira ng gabi ko..
Katuloy nung i got to meet this great gurl.. Being kiD e may sabit nanaman, i got to meet her, got close to her but alas hindi talaga pwde.. Hindi ku alam kung bakit ganito, do i love the drama? or do i simply love those hard situations?? Ewan ku ba.. Kya ngayon e medyo nasa point aku ng pagmumukmok. Yun nga lng e being kiD, again, everybody expects me to just bounce back that quickly but this time i think it would take sometime..

I just hope this new year would bring us all, happiness..
Hindi yung panandalian kundi yung lasting..

Hanggang sa muli, sana next update ko e masaya na..